TORONTO – The Ontario government announced its new plan to blame the federal government in the event that their plan to reopen schools during a pandemic backfires. “Parents will know that i…
Ontario
Police in Niagara-on-the-Lake investigate drive-by hooting
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON – Upper-middle class residents of a picturesque town are on edge after reports of a drive-by hooting that police say exceeded 75 dB. Locals became suspicious of the …
Doug Ford pleads with own reflection to let him lower class sizes
TORONTO – After saying that if it was up to him he’d keep class sizes at 5 kids due to the COVID pandemic, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was spotted pleading with his reflection to let him lowe…
Ford government unveils school plan to send kids back to school and let them formulate a plan
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has released his fall school plan, which will see the province’s school children return to class in September in order to brainstorm an actual…
“I finally feel like me again,” says Ford after introducing anti-tenant legislation, blaming young for COVID spike
TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians̵…
Doug Ford tells young people with COVID-19 to stop partying and start waiting tables indoors
TORONTO – In response to an increase in the proportion of new coronavirus infections among people in their 20s and 30s in Ontario, premier Doug Ford has urged young people to stop partying …
Police say that anti-Nazi graffiti “hits close to home”
OAKVILLE, ON – After a monument commemorating soldiers who fought in Hitler’s SS was vandalized with spray paint recently, Halton Regional Police have declared that “this hate crime hits es…
Doug Ford reveals Stage 3 has no plan to re-open schools, but will lower drinking age to 8
QUEEN’S PARK — As the Ford Government’s pandemic plan faces criticism for ignoring schools to prioritizing re-opening bars, the premier assured Ontarians that he will solve the dilemma by l…
Report: Cargo ship captain distracted by the awe-inspiring beauty of Welland
WELLAND – Two cargo ships collided in the Welland Canal after a captain was bedazzled by the sight and tremendous beauty of the City of Welland. “They call this utopia the ‘Rose City,’” sai…
Doug Ford extends emergency orders until end of his term
QUEEN’S PARK – In an effort to improve his public image, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has extended the emergency orders placed on the province for exactly however long the remainder of h…
