OTTAWA – Fans of the Tim Hortons Roll Up the Rim contest have been excited by a new feature that now gives them two chances to not win a car. The extra Roll Up the Rim location is part of T…
National
Harper developing jowls as he plans to be ‘not a crook’ for Liberal convention
OTTAWA – Canadian physiologists are watching in amazement as Prime Minister Harper‘s chin increasingly envelops his neck as the Liberal Convention begins in Montreal. “We’ve read about it before …
Brazeau finds gainful employment after leaving post in the seedy underbelly of Canadian society
OTTAWA – Suspended senator Patrick Brazeau has finally found a respectable job as a strip-club day manager after leaving the decadent opium den that is the Canadian Senate. “I’m just happy to be …
Canadian voters now required to show Conservative Party membership card before voting
OTTAWA – The federal government has recently announced plans to address voter fraud by requiring Canadians to present a Conservative Party membership ID before voting in elections. “Canadia…
FEDS: First Nations Education Act a positive step forward in giving First Nations autonomy from Gov obligations
STAND OFF, AB – In what is being described as a major step forward in providing First Nation’s communities with more autonomy from federal government treaty commitments, the Harper Governme…
Chrysler unveils new car that runs entirely on government subsidies
WINDSOR – In an effort to break ground in the automotive industry, Chrysler unveiled a new model of sedan built in Canada that runs entirely on government funding. The new design called The…
Sun News reveals CBC’s French pronunciation scandal they just invented
TORONTO – Journalists at Sun News have revealed a shocking, fabricated story about how CBC journalists pronounce French-Canadian Olympic athletes’ last names in French despite the fact that…
Team Canada fails to medal at Opening Olympic Ceremonies again
SOCHI – For the 22nd time in Winter Olympic history, Team Canada has failed to win a medal on the opening ceremonies event. “It’s really disappointing that we couldn’t mak…
Meteorologists hard at work preparing Springtime weather buzzword
WINNIPEG – The innovative meteorologists behind the term “Polar Vortex” and more recently “Chillahedron” and “Popsiclypse” are putting in overtime to com…
Big 5 banks worried Canadians not saving enough for retirement of bank CEOs
TORONTO – The Big 5 Canadian banks are sending a warning to Canadians; save up or else their executives may not retire in excessive opulence. Last year, TD, RBC, CIBC, BMO and Scotiabank co…
