WINDSOR – In an effort to break ground in the automotive industry, Chrysler unveiled a new model of sedan built in Canada that runs entirely on government funding. The new design called The…
National
Sun News reveals CBC’s French pronunciation scandal they just invented
TORONTO – Journalists at Sun News have revealed a shocking, fabricated story about how CBC journalists pronounce French-Canadian Olympic athletes’ last names in French despite the fact that…
Team Canada fails to medal at Opening Olympic Ceremonies again
SOCHI – For the 22nd time in Winter Olympic history, Team Canada has failed to win a medal on the opening ceremonies event. “It’s really disappointing that we couldn’t mak…
Meteorologists hard at work preparing Springtime weather buzzword
WINNIPEG – The innovative meteorologists behind the term “Polar Vortex” and more recently “Chillahedron” and “Popsiclypse” are putting in overtime to com…
Big 5 banks worried Canadians not saving enough for retirement of bank CEOs
TORONTO – The Big 5 Canadian banks are sending a warning to Canadians; save up or else their executives may not retire in excessive opulence. Last year, TD, RBC, CIBC, BMO and Scotiabank co…
Liberal senators released from caucus so they can more effectively not do anything
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s removal of all Liberal senators from his caucus yesterday has officially freed the senators up to fully commit to their responsibilities of not really doing anythi…
Fantino thanks veterans for bravely sacrificing services so Canadians can have a free and balanced budget
OTTAWA – Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino made a public apology to veterans for showing up late to an important meeting, and also took the opportunity to thank them for their sacrif…
Trudeau removes pants after nation’s women demand greater transparency
OTTAWA – Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau has made a radical move in removing his pants after hearing the demands of many Canadian women for greater transparency in Canadian politics. The sudd…
Breakthrough deal made as Blackberry shareholders agree on Thai food
WATERLOO – Significant progress has been made at the troubled tech giant Blackberry after shareholders agreed that they should eat Thai food at the next meeting. The decision was made at 11…
Nation shocked when rural kid gets DUI
MIAMI – The nation expressed shock and disbelief earlier this week when a young native from a very small rural town in Ontario was arrested for driving under the influence. “Wait, you’re sa…
