ST. THOMAS, ON – In what is being called the most Canadian crime ever, a daring thief used a hockey stick to rob a sugar shack and made off with 50 L of maple syrup. Also, three employees w…
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Woman’s personal brand revamped to appeal to 18-25 demographic
VANCOUVER—Representatives for Tracy Henderson have confirmed that 29-year old graphic designer’s personal brand will be undergoing an “exciting new evolution” to help it re-center it’s appeal wit…
Man wearing sunglasses actually looking directly at you
TORONTO – Several reports have confirmed that the guy wearing dark sunglasses is absolutely looking directly at you right now. “I’m sure it only seems like he is staring at me,” you said li…
Ontario government reminds drought-striken province to conserve water for Nestlé
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne has cautioned Ontarians who live in the drought-stricken regions to refrain from wasting water so that it may be bottled and sold by Nestlé. The pro…
Tattoo parlour employees lose track of which decorations are ironic
TORONTO – Employees at area tattoo parlour Jan Van Inyck have lost track of which decorations in the store have significant meaning and which are only ironic. “I’m guessing that…
Local man so old
KELOWNA, BC – Locals are reporting that Kelowna man Gregory Campbell is so old, possibly the oldest man who has ever lived. “God, look at this old man,” said local Kevin Andreas of Campbell…
Local man manages to turn belch into words ‘I love you’
WINDSOR, ON – Shortly after the Chinese take-out dinner he ordered in celebration of his wife’s birthday, local man Bryce Mulwich has managed to turn an enormous burp into the words ‘I love…
Idiot dock-side vendor selling priceless seashell art for only $16.99
TAMPA, FL – Canadian tourists returning from summer vacation report that one rube souvenir vendor in Tampa is selling priceless art for $20 or less. “The guy told us himself that this…
Tinder profile picture just manages to frame out gaping wound
SASKATOON – Tim Cordwell, active user of popular dating app Tinder, is satisfied with his new profile picture, which just manages to frame out a horrific injury he recently sustained. “Ah, …
Microhome purchaser looking forward to life in immobile trailer
SUDBURY — Recent microhome purchaser, Tom Pederson says he is looking forward to life in his tiny house that cannot move anywhere. “I’m thrilled to be a part of the tiny home movement,” Pederson …
