TAMPA, FL – Canadian tourists returning from summer vacation report that one rube souvenir vendor in Tampa is selling priceless art for $20 or less.
“The guy told us himself that this blue conch is one of a kind,” said Ottawa man Greg Pollock, who nabbed it for an unbelievable 18 bucks. “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
For a miraculous 12 years, vendor Ernie Sinisi has been selling incredibly rare shells, sketches, and antiques for what any sane person would call diminishing returns.
“At first I was hesitant to spend 35 dollars on a very bad drawing of a sea turtle,” said Toronto woman Leslie Frakes. “But when I saw ‘1896’ scrawled in the bottom corner, I knew I couldn’t let it get away.”
Sinisi is now also selling bottles of coloured sand for less than the appropriate King’s Ransom, even though sand and paint almost never mix in nature.
“A genuine doubloon for eighteen bucks,” said Pollock, pulling the coin from a box marked ‘Shit I literally found walking down the beach.’ “I almost feel bad for the dumb motherfucker.”
At press time, Sinisi’s souvenir stand had disappeared overnight, in a strange concurrence with Antique Road Show’s arrival in the Tampa area.
