SASKATOON – Tim Cordwell, active user of popular dating app Tinder, is satisfied with his new profile picture, which just manages to frame out a horrific injury he recently sustained.
“Ah, this is definitely the one I’m going to use,” said Cordwell, who has promised never to misuse fireworks, chainsaws, or pit bulls again. “It really captures my essence. A man that is cool, fun, and who doesn’t appear to be badly injured. In short: a catch.”
“Now my right side is definitely my good side,” he added.
Leading doctors were baffled by Cordwell’s choice of photograph, saying that it’s not as if he can pretend he still has all his parts during a face-to-face date.
“Eventually, he’s going to need to tell the story of where that hole came from,” said Dr. Joshua Tamblin, Cordwell’s attending physician. “And, in my medical opinion, no one is going to want to fuck him after seeing it.”
“Tim’s pic made him seem like a great guy and so outdoorsy, which I loved,” said date Erica Brockwell. “But when I got to the coffee shop there was a lot more… leaking than I was lead to believe would be the case.”
At press time, Cordwell was making out like a bandit on Plenty of Fish.
