CALGARY, AB – A new study from the Centre for Canadian Mental Health and Wellness (CCMHW) found that among Canadians aged 18-35, the near-ubiquitous cause of mental distress was the thing t…
Health
Health Canada announces end of gay blood ban with celebratory suck and fuck fest
OTTAWA, ON – The ban on blood donations from men who have had sex with other men within the last three months has been lifted, as was announced earlier today by an oiled-up twink wearing on…
Breaking: Anti-mandate protesters actually like, OBSESSED with mandates
OTTAWA – With mask and vaccine mandates being lifted nationwide, anti-mandate protesters like Chad McCarthy of Red Deer, Alberta, are starting to realize despite their outward hatred, deep …
Report: wanting COVID to be over and it actually being over technically two different things
TORONTO – As provinces around the country abandon vaccine and mask mandates, a shocking new report has concluded that just because we’d all like the pandemic to be over, doesn’t…
Two-year pandemic officially longest relationship of woman’s life
Mississauga, ON – This week marks a major milestone in local woman Caitlyn Donahue’s life, as she celebrates two years of the COVID-19 pandemic – A.K.A. the longest relationship of her life. “I w…
Friend clearly trying to one-up your ‘I got COVID despite not going anywhere’ story
TORONTO – After you posted that you tested positive for COVID despite barely leaving the house, friends in the comments took the opportunity to advise that they too have been diagnosed with…
Workplace reminds you mental health comes first unless it impedes productivity
MONTREAL – Earlier this week tech start-up Fraggle sent a company-wide email reminding employees that mental health always comes first unless it impedes their productivity or makes their co…
“Sure Omicron may be 100% more infectious, but it’s 15% less deadly so everything will be fine,” says man who is real good at math
Red Deer, AB – As data comes forward indicating the Omicron variant is twice as infectious as Delta but possibly causes 10-15% less deaths amidst those it infects, local math expert Dalton …
Local woman at that age where she gets hangovers from eating too much soup now
SAULT STE. MARIE, ON – Jayne Hinton, 32, is slowly discovering what her body can’t handle nowadays, ranging from a glass of wine to a heavy meal before bed. Most recently, Hinton discovered…
Fake doctors take brave stand against real medicine
VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at t…
