Surrey, B.C. – Claiming he was “wearing a gay shirt,” local bully Chad “Two Hits” Richler had resolved to give fellow grade 5 student Jimmy Hill the kind of beating that will one day serve …
Culture
Improv show tolerated by all
CALGARY – Wednesday night’s instalment of the longform improv comedy show, Lazer Slacks, was universally praised as “alright”, “satisfactory”, and “about what I expected”, according to the …
Margaret Atwood’s latest book, all other books, to remain unread for 100 years
TORONTO – In what is being called an exciting artistic experiment, beloved author Margaret Atwood has released a new work to be placed in a time capsule where it, like the thousands of the …
Joan Rivers dies in last season’s hospital gown
NEW YORK – Legendary comedian Joan Rivers has passed away today wearing a plain, cotton hospital gown that was “so last year,” according to the 81-year-old. “Plain white with polka dots? Th…
Guitarist at bar knows audience is going to love his version of ‘Time of Your Life’
HAMILTON — This past Saturday an amateur musician attending an Open Mic Night at Dooney’s Pub was ready to blow the crowd away with his personal rendition of Green Day’s “…
Fans disappointed after Brangelina wedding fails to give meaning to their lives
LOS ANGELES – Fans of actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie found themselves at a crossroads this week, after news of the celebrity couple’s recent nuptials failed to add a trace of meaning to thei…
Report: cooking show competitor might not finish in time
HOLLYWOOD – In a dramatic and unforeseen turn of events, Julianna Markus, contestant on popular cooking show Chopped may not be able to finish making her meal before the time limit expires.…
Report: 10% of entrants on America’s Funniest Home Videos later died from internal bleeding
HOLLYWOOD – A new report by the Film and Television Safety Institute has confirmed that, every year, 10% of the entrants on the hilarious television show America’s Funniest Home Videos have…
Comic-Con fans eager to discover what they’ll spend next 12 months bitching about
SAN DIEGO – While San Diego prepares for this weekend’s 2014 Comic-Con International, fans of comic books and sci-fi are preparing to find out what they’ll spend the next year whining about…
Supreme Court overturns Alien v. Predator
WASHINGTON – The United States Supreme Court issued a shocking 5-4 ruling on the landmark case of Alien v. Predator, ruling that the intergalactic hunters’ (“Predators”) victory violated th…
