TORONTO – Twenty minutes after stumbling across Michael Bublé’s new Canadian walk of fame star, Aunt Linda is still standing motionless in front of it, with her eyes closed and her ha…
Culture
Canadian Screen Awards occur
TORONTO – Scattered reports coming in from across the country appear to verify that the Canadian Screen Awards happened last night in Toronto, putting to rest modest public speculation. Although …
Scientists successfully create new Kardashian
LOS ANGELES – Scientists working out of the National Centre for Celebrity Research have recently announced the successful creation of another Kardashian sibling. The newest member of the brood, a…
Canada admits they knew Trudeau was a total Samantha all along
OTTAWA — Canadians across the country revealed Monday that, following a segment of CBS’ “60 Minutes” that identified actress Kim Cattrall, famous for her role as Samantha Jones in the hit T…
Terrified record producer forced to work with woman he raped
LOS ANGELES – Lucasz “Dr. Luke” Gottwald, has been living a nightmare since courts denied singer Kesha Sebert’s request to work with a producer who didn’t drug and rape her. “Things were already …
Frantic DiCaprio asks coat check if anyone turned in a gold statue last night
HOLLYWOOD – After waking up well into the afternoon, Academy Award-winner Leonardo DiCaprio has spent the last hour on the phone with the coat check clerk from the Vanity Fair afterparty af…
Office Oscar Pool just fucking demolished by Maureen from accounting
FREDERICTON – Reports are flooding in that the MacIntosh & Carter Law Offices informal Oscar pool was straight up annihilated last night by accounts payable manager Maureen Petrie, 52. …
Canadians banned from Wheel of Fortune for calling the letter ‘Zed’
LOS ANGELES – Sony Productions has announced that Canadians will no longer be allowed on long-running American game show Wheel of Fortune due to irreconcilable cultural differences regardin…
Bald eagle wins America’s Got Talons for ninth straight season
NEW YORK – In a completely unsurprising development, Iggy, a 10-year-old bald eagle from a mangrove swamp in Florida, has once again emerged triumphant in the latest season of America’s Got…
Pixar unveils next movie: two-hour, uninterrupted shot of a kitten’s funeral
LOS ANGELES – In a bold move that has stunned film enthusiasts, animation juggernaut Pixar announced its next major release will simply be one long take of the funeral of a family’s cherish…
