The latest attack from social justice warriors isn’t on one of our beloved prime ministers but rather something completely innocuous, Lakeside High’s beloved mascot Poxy the Smallpox Blanket. Sch…
Culture
Hollywood announces all-white remake of that Japanese show where they fall down the stairs
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Less than two days after a Japanese game show where people fall down a greased-up staircase took the internet by storm, Variety has reported that a big-budget Hollywood adap…
Lena Dunham under fire for defending Lena Dunham
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Famous comedian accused of sexual assault. No, not that one. Or that one. The other one.
EVERYWHERE – Reports have emerged over the past week of a famous comedian having committed sexual assault on one or more people. Sources indicate that, no, it’s not that famous comedian – t…
Netflix announces retro TV series consisting entirely of scrambled porn
LOS ANGELES – With nostalgic hits such as Stranger Things, Gilmore Girls, and Fuller House, the streaming giant Netflix has greenlit another 80’s and 90’s inspired series made of nothing but scra…
Christian Bale prepares for role as Dick Cheney by gaining weight, shooting friend in the face
LOS ANGELES – Method actor Christian Bale has gone to great lengths recently in preparation for his role as Dick Cheney in the upcoming biopic Backseat, including shaving his head, gaining a grea…
Ben Affleck trying to find a ‘cool way’ to get out of being Ben Affleck
LOS ANGELES – In a recent USA Today article, actor Ben Affleck announced that he is figuring out a “cool way” to get out of being Ben Affleck as soon as possible. Affleck said that role of …
CRTC rules that 20% of illegal torrents must be CanCon
Ottawa – The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has ruled that 20% of all content illegally downloaded must be produced in Canada and have noticeable Canadian theme…
“I know exactly how to fix America” claims teenager who just watched Fight Club for the first time
COCHRANE, AB – Local teen Ryan Killicky claims that he has the answer of how to fix the massive social and political turmoil occurring within the United States, and that the solution lies w…
TV series you watched every single episode of in one night just okay
YOUR LIVING ROOM – After watching all three seasons of that new Netflix show in a single sitting, you got up from your nest of blankets, crumbs, and pillows that you rage-screamed into — an…
