EVERYWHERE – Reports have emerged over the past week of a famous comedian having committed sexual assault on one or more people. Sources indicate that, no, it’s not that famous comedian – t…
Entertainment
Christian Bale prepares for role as Dick Cheney by gaining weight, shooting friend in the face
LOS ANGELES – Method actor Christian Bale has gone to great lengths recently in preparation for his role as Dick Cheney in the upcoming biopic Backseat, including shaving his head, gaining a grea…
“I know exactly how to fix America” claims teenager who just watched Fight Club for the first time
COCHRANE, AB – Local teen Ryan Killicky claims that he has the answer of how to fix the massive social and political turmoil occurring within the United States, and that the solution lies w…
New streaming service has all the movies from your childhood you never realized contain a sexual assault
SAN FRANCISCO – New start-up streaming service WatchThis (short for Why Did My Parents Let Me Watch This) promises all the nostalgia you can stomach by featuring movies you loved as a kid t…
#TBT to the time you first heard Louis C.K. was a sexual predator!
OMG! It’s finally happened. After years of… let’s call them “rumours” – at least five women have come forward to say that Louis C.K. abused his position of power to whip it out and start ma…
Nation races to watch their favourite artists’ work before they’re revealed to be sexual predators too
Are you motivated enough to sit through all of Horace and Pete?…
As male filmmakers are sidelined by scandal, Hollywood turns to films directed by boys
LOS ANGELES – The increasing number of male directors embroiled in sexual harassment and abuse scandals has threatened to shut down all film production in Hollywood, leaving studios in a state of…
Netflix finds Kevin Spacey too morally deficient to play Frank Underwood
LOS GATOS, CA – After years starring as Frank Underwood, Netflix has announced it is ending production of House of Cards, one of its most popular series, following historical allegations th…
Marketing campaign for Thor: Ragnarok gets out of hand after giant wolf eats the sun
BURBANK, CA – Marvel Studios have issued an apology for inadvertently triggering the real Ragnarök with the marketing campaign for the latest installment in the Thor franchise. “I want to b…
Japan green-lights “Gundam Seinfeld” as revenge for every shitty US anime remake
TOKYO – Earlier today the nation of Japan formally vocalized its displeasure after years of seeing countless beloved anime features ruined by Hollywood produced live-action remakes, and sta…
