WATERLOO – In front of a pristine lake populated by mute swans, Blackberry’s most senior downtrodden executives introduced John Chen as the company’s new CEO. “We thought the backdrop of the lake…
Business
New wind farm built solely for clean coal commercials
SASKATOON – Energy consortium NorthAm Power has constructed a 47-turbine wind farm outside of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, solely for the purpose of being able to feature them in commercials pr…
Corporation copyrights© the term ‘copyright’©
WASHINGTON – In a surprise move, the US Supreme Court has ruled that Koch Industries has exclusive rights to the term ‘copyright’© and its use in all forms of expression. Chief Justice John…
Activists succeed in forcing corporation to better hide its unethical activities
After years of persistent protests, boycotts, and social media campaigns dedicated to protecting third world countries from dangerous conditions in its factories, multinational corporation Simple…
Report: Canadian job growth slow due to HR
OTTAWA – A report by Statistics Canada has revealed that Canadian job growth has stalled because Human Resource departments don’t have the time to deal with backlog. “There is no lack of wo…
Blackberry makes first sale in six months
WATERLOO, ON – After a six month “dry spell” Blackberry president Thorstein Heins announced today that the company had finally closed a sale. “It was looking pretty grim there for awhile. N…
Keystone boasts pipeline will create 5700 unpaid internships for Canadian students
CALGARY – Canadian energy giant TransCanada has announced that the Keystone XL pipeline will be built by interns in order to offer Canadian students the experiences they need to enter the excitin…
Women and their sweatpants enthralled by Tide’s new Period Stain Guarantee detergent
TORONTO – Tide made waves in the detergent world yesterday when it announced its latest product, which promises to remove period stains from sweatpants, bed sheets, mattresses, and full-butt, nud…
Real-life thrift shop nothing like Macklemore video
HAMILTON – A nearby Salvation Army store has failed to live up to the expectations set by the “Thrift Shop” music video for local man Jake Covey. “The video made it seem like th…
Big 3 Canadian telecoms to Verizon: ‘Only Canadian companies can gouge Canadians’
TORONTO – With the threat of a US corporate giant entering the Canadian telecommunications market, Telus, Rogers and Bell stated that only Canadian enterprises have the right to fleece Canadians.…
