WATERLOO – In front of a pristine lake populated by mute swans, Blackberry’s most senior downtrodden executives introduced John Chen as the company’s new CEO.
“We thought the backdrop of the lake would demonstrate my calm and confident attitude towards taking over the company,” said Chen into a glass of scotch. “But nature has a terribly sardonic way of pointing out one’s pretenses.”
Chen’s grief is a result of the singing swans that overtook the entire press conference.
“None of our announcement could be heard over those stirring serenading swans,” wept Chen as tears added salt to the wounds of his melancholic single malt.
To add insult to injury the choral swans did not stop at merely ruining Blackberry’s dubious comeback, they seem to be following Chen whenever he is near a waterway.
“When I drive by the creek they follow my car singing that dysphoric refrain” shuddered Chen. “They haunt my dreams, foreshadowing what the deepest recesses of my soul ultimately already knows is Blackberry’s destiny.”
Waterloo officials are trying to make the best of a desolate situation.
Mayor Brenda Halloran has declared, “Blackberry’s swan song will be Waterloo’s sight-to-see-song. Let Canadians bask in the lamenting aesthetic beauty of our failures.”
