TORONTO – In the wake of lawsuits threatening their monopoly on beer sales in Ontario, The Beer Store is extending an olive branch to craft brewers, by offering them the chance to buy their…
Business
Study: It’s not what you know, it’s who you know that’s rich
VANCOUVER – Researchers at the University of British Columbia have completed a study proving that knowledge, skill, and accreditation are meaningless in the face of how many wealthy people you kn…
Adam Smith’s invisible hand files for disability benefits
EDINBURGH – After 250 years of its suffering going unseen, Adam Smith’s invisible hand has decided to seek help and file for disability benefits. “I tried to solve my own problems, I really did,”…
Unpaid intern in charge of organizing $100,000 staff party
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Sources inside DHP Logistics Ltd. report that unpaid intern Steve Daniels, 26, is organizing the company’s annual, $100,000.00 holiday soiree “This will be a great opportun…
MBA graduate can’t sew button on shirt
TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt. Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a mean…
iPhone 6 to feature app that lets you know when iPhone 7 will be released
SAN FRANCISCO – Tech giant Apple has announced that their new iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus will both come pre-loaded with exclusive software to let you know when the iPhone 7 will be rele…
New $6 Starbucks drink consists entirely of foam
TORONTO – Kicking off its new Fall menu next week, Starbucks has unveiled its new drink that consists entirely of foam. The ‘Frothachino’ consists of small bubbles made from a steamer and c…
Target hopes to reverse fortunes in Canada by operating under new ‘Zellers’ brand
TORONTO – With its business taking a beating after only one year operating in Canada, Target is hoping to draw customers back in by renaming its Canadian operation ‘Zellers.’ “We know this …
Dynamic businessman outsources his extra-marital affairs
VANCOUVER – A local executive has developed an innovative way to be unfaithful to his wife by contracting out extra-marital affairs to a third party located offshore. “Frankly, I found chea…
Wal-Mart advertises new price, worker benefit rollbacks
BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS – In an effort to engage consumers, Wal-Mart has begun advertising rollbacks in employee health benefits and wages in their weekly flyers. “At Walmart, our associates pride …
