MONTREAL – Bell Media shocked the radio market Tuesday when it shuttered three of its sports-themed stations as part of an ongoing layoff streak, following their recent “Let’s Talk” mental …
Business
Jeff Bezos to step down in five to ten days, or overnight with Prime
SEATTLE – Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has announced his intention to step down, with the move taking effect some time in the next five to ten days, with the option for a much speedier…
NRA files for bankruptcy after “Attending a Wedding of 100” people becomes hot new way to murder
NEW YOURK CITY – Last Friday the National Rifle Association filed for bankruptcy after mass shootings officially dropped to 2nd Trendiest Way To Murder, since newcomer “attending a full wed…
“Shop local” posts man who bought book from Indigo instead of Amazon
REGINA – Local man Aidan Waite is encouraging all his friends and family to stay away from Amazon when doing their holiday shopping, and instead support local mom and pop shops like Indigo …
“Just figure it out!” screams Jeff Bezos at underlings after hearing of man who provides overnight shipping worldwide on Christmas Eve
SEATTLE – On the heels of their most successful year yet, Amazon HQ was thrown into chaos this afternoon after CEO Jeff Bezos caught wind of a competitor potentially edging in on holiday profits.…
Indoor restaurant builds separate indoor restaurant on sidewalk in order to work within COVID guidelines
Barrie, ON – Local restaurants have brilliantly adapted to the new COVID guidelines by building smaller but still fully enclosed restaurants outside their original restaurant. “People are n…
Patrick from life insurance commercial dies, insurance company denies coverage
Moose Jaw, SK – Patrick Donahue, known throughout Canada as “It’s Patrick he took out life insurance!” from that commercial has unfortunately passed away, and his insuranc…
Facebook responds to antitrust lawsuits with acquisition of Justice Department
MENLO PARK, CA – In response to twin antitrust lawsuits launched by dozens of states and the federal government, social media giant Facebook has purchased the United States Justice Departme…
Tech startup proud to be first to hire an actual Invisible Minority
TORONTO, ON – In an effort to further bridge the gap of employment inequality, Toronto-based tech startup Diverse-Tech has hired an invisible minority. “When applications started to come in…
Wall Street to trade water, also mentions human body 60% water for no particular reason
NEW YORK – Representatives for the NYSE have announced that water futures will enter commodities trading on the stock market, before cryptically adding that human bodies are composed of mor…
