OTTAWA – Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has announced a new program to attract the most desirable economic immigrants by promptly issuing them a cab license. “Canada has a labour shor…
MacKay: ‘Remember our brave troops during the Montreal Massacre Anniversary’
OTTAWA – Justice Minister Peter MacKay has reminded Canadians to honour Canadian soldiers on the 25th anniversary of the Montreal Polytechnique Massacre. “I urge all Canadians to remember t…
Fantino promises another $200 million to vets of the Boer War
OTTAWA – Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino has announced over $200 million to be spend on veterans who participated in the South African Boer War. “Our veterans bravely served for Ki…
God asks Jean Béliveau for two autographs, one for his son
HEAVEN’S GATES – After his recent passing, legendary Montreal Canadiens Jean Béliveau has already received a request for two autographs by God. “Holy flying Buddha!” exclaimed the deity for…
Darren Wilson resigns from Ferguson police to focus on being a full-time murderer
FERGUSON, MO – Following a grand jury’s decision not to indict him for killing unarmed teenager Michael Brown, Darren Wilson announced Sunday that he has resigned from the Ferguson police departm…
Infographic: What John Tory found in Ford’s former office
John Tory officially takes the office of Mayor of Toronto today. Here’s what he found in outgoing Mayor Rob Ford’s office: 1. Hundreds of fan letters to Macho Man Randy Savage, all marked “…
ReBoot reboot only thing Canadians talking aboot
TORONTO – Rainmaker Entertainment, the company developing the reboot of popular 90s Canadian television TV show, ReBoot, has released a new logo and title for the show, and the news has som…
Street price of nation’s favourite drug to increase by 10 cents
WELLAND – Canada’s most addictive street drug is increasing in price by ten cents worrying many public health experts and addicts. “I get a hit at least twice a day,” said Joe Kuharchuk, a …
Bill Cosby on rape allegations: ‘Dozens and dozens of women just say the darndest things’
The star of hit 80s sitcom The Cosby Show accused of drugging and sexually assaulting a long list of women has stated that his accusers ‘say the darndest things.’ “Oh wow! Grown women just say th…
Harper lights ceremonial tire fire at annual Chinese pollution festival
BEIJING – After being praised for his commitment to environmental catastrophe, Stephen Harper kicked the annual Festival of the Polluted Moon off by throwing a bag of flaming garbage into a…
