HOLLYWOOD – Following the release of documents revealing that Bill Cosby himself admitted to obtaining prescription Quaaludes to have sex with women, a skeptical nation has resolved to give…
Michael Chan accused of holding office while being non-white
TORONTO – Earlier this week CSIS accused Michael Chan, the Ontario Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and International Trade, of holding office while not being white. “Sure, when we made…
Struggling used book store tries its hand at happy endings
MONTREAL – Used bookshop The Blot & Feather has attracted a swell in once dwindling customers with a novel solution; to exclusively offer happy endings with every purchase. Owner Bernar…
New generation of e-cigarettes will provide authentic cancer experience
CANADA – In a recent breakthrough by electronic cigarette manufacturers the next generation of e-cigarettes on the market will cause cancer and other complications, giving what distributors…
OPP investigating RCMP probing Senators reviewing RCMP scrutinizing OPP union
OTTAWA – The Ontario Provincial Police’s report on the RCMP’s response to the Parliamentary shootings last October may be overshadowed by the RCMP investigating the same Senators who will s…
All new mom wants for Mother’s Day is an IUD
TORONTO – New mother Megan Hill knows what she wants from her babies this mother’s day, and that’s the promise she will never have another baby ever again. “When I got pregnant with our twins Vio…
‘We told you so’ clean up underway in Vancouver’s English Bay
VANCOUVER – In what every Vancouver resident has said was an “utterly predictable eventuality,” one of the tankers that line English Bay has leaked tons of “we totally saw…
I wish my Australian roommate would quit calling me a cunt all the time
Do you have problems with your roommates? Do they come home late and make a lot of noise? Do they use up all the hot water? Do they call you a cunt? No? Mine does. He’s always just bursting into …
Fat guy, plus-sized woman walk through park holding hands
TORONTO – Observers at a local park yesterday watched as a really fat man walked holding hands with a curvaceous woman. “They were possibly a couple,” said one witness of the balding, overw…
