Rules for The Beaverton online headline competition 1. The competition is open to all users of the The Beaverton website. The Beaverton writers and anyone connected to The Beaverton may contribut…
GTA starts drive to Canada’s Wonderland three weeks early to beat rush
TORONTO – Feeling the need to get a head start on traffic and line-ups, over half the city of Toronto began driving to Canada’s Wonderland this Sunday, three-weeks in advance of its opening…
I’m pretty sure I would be in this exact same position even if Pierre Trudeau wasn’t my dad
By Justin Trudeau In the wake of my recent election as leader of the Liberal Party of Canada, I’ve noticed that one or two media outlets have suggested that my success may somehow be related to m…
The Junos happened, sources report
OTTAWA- A Canadian awards show that honours musical achievements by Canadian artists and bands recently occurred, according to a number of sources. “Yep, that was this month, I think,” one source…
Supreme Court of Canada Justice Morris Fish is retiring
Known as a staunch defender of civil liberties, Supreme Court of Canada Justice Morris Fish announced his retirement earlier this week. What’s your say? “I hope he receives a giant no…
UPDATE: Nation just wants spring to fucking happen
OTTAWA – Following a series of weeks with mixing of nice weather and cold weather, Canadians from all cities and provinces have gotten tired of this windy cold shit, and just want spring to…
Maple Leafs on brink of first round playoff elimination
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs, currently 3rd in the North East Division, are looking to clinch a first round playoff elimination position tonight. Thanks to their success in the regular…
BC finally accepts Saskatchewan’s Facebook friend request
REGINA – Citing a really busy spell with work as one of the reasons for the delay and “not seeing much point to it” since they’re “pretty much neighbours,” the provi…
FBI blames ultra-right conservative-anarchist North Korean Christian domestic terror cell that looks kind of Middle Easty
BOSTON – FBI investigators have definitively concluded that the bombings at the Boston Marathon were orchestrated by a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist cell supported by Kim Jong Un’s oppressive …
