Samantha Wyss, Author at The Beaverton

Hundreds of superheroes’ identities revealed as CDC gives ok to remove masks

ATLANTA, GA – With the CDC approving Americans to remove their masks many masked superheroes have complied, resulted in the accidental reveal of hundreds of superheroes’ secret identities. …

Half-vaxxed man goes back to work, leaves un-vaxxed half at home

HAMILTON, ON – Alf Keeling, a 37-year-old marketing manager recently got his first dose of the Moderna vaccine, and was given the OK to return to working in his office – but only the …

Local woman doesn’t want to be that annoying vegan stereotype so she just eats meat

VANCOUVER – Local blogger, Elspeth Sosa, who has been vegan for 9 years, insists she doesn’t want to be that annoying vegan stereotype, so she just eats meat along with dairy products and e…

Prince William named world’s sexiest bald man as if Mr. Clean isn’t literally right there

LONDON – According to a new study by Google, Prince William has finally been crowned king… as sexiest bald man. As if Mr. Clean wasn’t literally right there the entire fucking time. Eileen …

Local woman who bought regular grapes instead of seedless just gonna give up on whole life

BURLINGTON, ON – Last Tuesday evening, 27 year-old bartender Eva Parsons realized as she got home from a grocery run that she had bought regular grapes instead of seedless ones. At that mom…

Local woman apologizes for apologizing

WINNIPEG – Amanda Santos, a Senior Associate Consultant from downtown Winnipeg apologized during a meeting last week, then when she realized she apologized, she apologized again. Santos had…

Local woman feels like she’s the only person taking pandemic seriously, is right, this has been a huge prank on you Jenny

Hamilton, ON – Jenny Reid, an executive assistant who’s been quarantining in her studio apartment due to Covid-19 since March 2020 feels like she’s the only person taking the pandemic serio…