TORONTO – After being displaced by the continuing construction work at Toronto’s Union station, the leader of Ontario’s largest rat colony today expressed his disgust at the current level o…
Man who has never been to independent bookstore furious over its closing
VICTORIA, B.C. – Local man Stephen Dewitt is reportedly furious over the closing of independent bookstore ‘Moby Dickens’ despite having never financially supported the business in any form.…
Stock market soars after banking cartel promises to keep pretending economy is real
Investors poured cash into the markets as central bank leaders from around the world met this week and announced that they would continue to maintain the illusion that the economic system was som…
Local pumpkin excited to find out what Jack-o-Lantern is
WHITBY — A delighted local pumpkin has expressed mounting excitement about getting to see his first Jack-o-Lantern this Halloween. “From the minute they [the Henderson family, the pumpkin’s purch…
Reporters worried nation of Vimy Ridge, Kandahar has lost its innocence
OTTAWA – According to numerous international columnists, the recent murder of soldier Nathan Cirillo and the subsequent shootout in Parliament have caused the nation of Canada, which has fo…
Satan rejects endorsements from shitty metal bands
Hell via Des Moines, Iowa – Earlier today, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, officially rejected endorsements from “shitty” metal bands, who constantly praise Him in their lyrics. Th…
Kilometres wide power outage in downtown Calgary affects dozens
CALGARY – An electrical fire in the power grid plunged dozens of blocks in the heart of Calgary into total darkness over the weekend, causing significant inconvenience and uncertainty for t…
Dog suspiciously upbeat at owner’s funeral
BARRIE- Friends and family of recently deceased Toronto resident Alan March have reported that his pet labrador retriever Buddy seemed strangely cheerful at March’s funeral two days ago. “I expec…
White cop shoots black cop, claims victim was armed
KANSAS CITY – In yet another example of police violence against young black males, K.C. Police Officer Rodney Winthrop shot and killed 28 year old African American Jimmy Sinclair on Sunday …
Montreal Canadiens: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Montreal Canadiens Mascot: Two. First, Youppi the former Expo mascot, purchased back from the new american owners of the MLB team, that allows fans to recall the glory days when the city wa…
