CHURCHILL, MA – Local man Ryan Booker has finalized his Valentine’s Day plans this year by pre-purchasing the special bag of tortilla chips that he will eat on his own during the most romantic day of the year.
“Every year shopping on Valentine’s Day is a nightmare,” said Booker while adjusting his sweat pants. “So this time I figured I’d be smart and buy the extra large bag of salted corn product that will be my breakfast, lunch and dinner ahead of time.”
“It’s like what they say: the key to a successful Valentine’s Day is planning,” said the 34 year old health management consultant, who can not remember the last time he touched a human woman.
The Valentine’s Day bag of Tostitos is a special, limited time release that contains heart shaped chips, which Booker will undoubtedly break in half before eating. For $1.00 extra Booker could have also purchased special Tostitos brand salsa that is advertised as being an aphrodisiac. Booker did not purchase, as he prefers to make his own.
“I was going to ask him if he’d like to donate to a local charity along with his purchase,” said Shoppers Drug Mart checkout specialist Tanya Burkett, “but then I looked at him and thought ‘never mind.'”
At press time Booker was enjoying his chips, but thought the Swanson “Christmas TV Dinner for One” was better.
