TORONTO – Demoralized and frustrated by the team’s lack of playoff success, Toronto Maple Leafs fan Mark Montrose says that if Hart, Rocket and Lindsay award winner Auston Matthews is…
Friend has been rich this whole time
TORONTO – Local woman Maddy Humphries, 29, has discovered that her friend Kyla Mason, 28, has been hiding the fact that she is rich for the entirety of their 7 year friendship. “Kyla …
Homeowner open to any solution to housing crisis that doesn’t raise property taxes or lower property values
Oakville, ON – Local man Nicholas Burnaby says that, as a homeowner, he would be happy to see any solution implemented that helps people afford to buy and rent necessary housing as long as …
Winners and Losers of the 2023 NHL draft based on the 5 minutes of research I did right before it started
Another first round of the NHL draft has come and gone. And if there is one thing we know about selecting a bunch of 18 year olds to play professional hockey for our teams 1-4 years down the line…
PPC struggle to adapt to Poilievre’s popularity with their base: men who keep a list of every woman that’s rejected them
OTTAWA – The People’s Party Of Canada are struggling to adapt to Pierre Poilievre’s ascension to Conservative Party leader given his popularity with the men who make up the part…
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
It’s sex scandal caused election day in Toronto! The city is ready to move on from legendary horn dog John Tory and install a new Strong Mayor. But which of the 500 candidates deserves your…
Every Gord Ranked
We got bored and ranked the Gords. A few rules before we dive in. 1. Only Canadians allowed. Sorry Gordon Ramsay 2. We are only considering famous and/or notable Gords. So you won’t find yo…
Lonely man goes out looking like shit to ensure he runs into at least 3 people he knows
TORONTO – Feeling a bit lonely and without community local man Marcus Bailey has decided to go for a walk while looking absolutely terrible to guarantee he runs into several friends and acq…
Danielle Smith decries Big Tech censorship after she forgets password for Swiss Chalet website
CALGARY – After claiming that Big Tech censored her facebook account with little evidence Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is now claiming that they have gone a step further and cut off her a…
Sport about to be passed in popularity by world’s 5th best soccer league sees no reason to change
NEW YORK CITY – The NHL, a league who will soon make less money and attract fewer eyeballs than the propreantepenultimate name in soccer, the MLS, announced they will make no significant ch…
