OTTAWA – The nation’s Provincial Premiers are hoping to use this moment of international strife and calamity to work in a few more Charter violations using The Notwithstanding Clause while no one is looking.
“Obviously we weep for the situation in the Middle East, etc. etc. but let’s not lose focus of the opportunity we have to really try some shit while everyone’s backs are turned,” said Scott Moe of Saskatchewan and multiple DUIs. “We’re going to start with ‘The Parents Bill of Rights’ aka the ‘Deadnaming Trans Kids Act,’ but that’s just the beginning!”
“Maybe a little ‘gay people can’t adopt kids anymore’ law? Or a bill allowing cops to violently shut down all Indigenous protests of oil pipelines as a treat? It’s our moment to shine.”
Moe is not the only Conservative Premier who thinks now is the moment to “go big” with The Notwithstanding Clause. Doug Ford is apparently giddy over the prospect of shutting down those “pansy reporters” who keep uncovering all of his “sweet ass” corruption. And Francois Legault is eager to sign legislation declaring that Muslims can still pray 5 times a day, but they must now do it facing away from Mecca.
Unfortunately Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is struggling to put the Clause to use. Partially because she doesn’t understand it. But partially because there isn’t really anything in the Charter preventing Alberta from declaring itself the province in Canada with the biggest cock, it just has never been done before.
In related news the nation’s courts have decided that, since they basically have no power to do anything to defend the constitution, it’s time to take up Disc Golf.