ST. CATHERINE’S, ON – Well over 20 people were reported dead last night, with countless more hospitalized, after the rancid, green meat served at O’Malley’s Irish Bar and Grill was mistaken…
Minister of Public Safety trumps progress of Aboriginals in prison basketball league
THUNDER BAY, ON – In the wake of reports that Aboriginals make up a disturbingly high percentage of prison inmates in Canada, Minister of Public Safety Vic Toews argued strongly that the Ab…
Oscar Pistorius historically overcomes all physical and moral limitations
JOHANNESBURG – Only months removed from shattering the world’s perception of physically handicapped athletes and their abilities at the London 2012 Olympic Games, Oscar Pistorius, aka The B…
Old black man doesn’t know as much about Jazz as hoped
STRATFORD, ON – Local graphic designer Stephen Sinclair entered Tully’s Coffee Shop on Thursday afternoon and was delighted to encounter Luther Griffin Jr., an 83 year old black man i…
Man, who would have thought me playing Abraham Lincoln would have generated all this awards talk?
By Daniel Day-Lewis I have just been told that my performance as Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of the United States of America, has been and will continue to be receiving a number of awards fro…
New Blackberry 10 allows users dozens of new ways to communicate about how shitty their Blackberry is
NEW YORK – Amid both fanfare and speculation about the device’s future, Research in Motion unveiled their new Blackberry 10 operating platform on Wednesday. The system, which will be availa…
TSN anchor cries tears of joy while reporting end of NHL lockout
TORONTO – Mid-way through announcing the end of professional hockey’s 113 day lockout, TSN Sportscentre anchor Darren ‘Dutchy’ Dutchyshen broke down in tears, declaring it “the end of [his]…
World Juniors: Aggressive Canadians playing as if opponents have universal healthcare
UFA, RUSSIA – Despite their successful start to the 2012-2013 World Junior Hockey Tournament, Team Canada has been put on the defensive over accusations by other teams that they play with l…
As winter recess approaches, supreme court judges prepare to hibernate
OTTAWA – Having written their last judgement and heard their final appeal for the year, the nine honourable members of Canada’s highest court spent last week preparing to enter their …
