IRELAND – After a long fight over equality, Ireland has voted to legalize marriages between any same-sex couples that are willing to pay the tab. “Weddings are a beautiful thing,” said Iris…
Hollywood hires younger actress to play Maggie Gyllenhaal
LOS ANGELES – After concerns about natural human aging surfaced earlier this week, studio executives are now seeking a younger actress to play Maggie Gyllenhaal. “We love Maggie, we really …
Kentucky Derby won by brown horsey
LOUISVILLE – The 2015 Kentucky Derby has been won by a handsome pony with a beautiful mane and soft, shiny coat. “It was magical,” said NBC analyst Randy Moss. “The horsey was so fast and f…
White man pretty sure he needs to weigh in on this conversation
TORONTO – As racial tensions rise, LGBTQ issues become mainstream, and women’s rights are attacked, local Caucasian male Robert Wiser finally feels he has been silent for long enough. “I th…
Turkish President commemorates 100 years since absolutely nothing happened
ANKARA – President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan called a press conference yesterday to once again draw attention to how very little happened 100 years ago. “Nothing happened, not to the Armenians n…
Michael Brown memorial tree cut down in self-defense
FERGUSON, MO – Residents of Ferguson, Missouri are in shock today after a violent conflict with Michael Brown’s memorial tree lead to a justified arborcide and the removal of a plaque. “Thi…
Local artist paid with, dies from, exposure
TORONTO – In the early hours of yesterday morning, local artist Sue Jolley was found dead of exposure mere days after being paid with the same. “We’re all shocked by this, but contrary to p…
Report: Final season of Mad Men may contain spoilers
LOS ANGELES – Matthew Weiner, creator of the popular drama Mad Men, has warned fans of his show that they might want to skip its upcoming final season if they want to avoid any potential sp…
Forty-nine states pass bills allowing businesses to reject customers from Indiana
USA – In direct response to the Indiana “Religious Freedom Act”, 49 American states have unanimously passed bills allowing business to reject any customer from Indiana. “We believe that the busin…
Budget cuts force CBC to fire all the horses from Heartland
ALBERTA – Following another round of programming cuts, the CBC has been forced to downsize almost 40 horses from the 9th season of it’s still existing drama, Heartland. “For a while we thou…
