GERMANY – A new initiative by the Tory government seeking to outlaw travel to nations with terrorist activity has successfully forced 27 year-old extremist, Fadi Zubeidi, to book a non-dire…
Facebook hosts upcoming election debate between middle school friend, Rick’s uncle
OTTAWA – With the Canadian election period officially begun, Facebook has announced plans to broadcast the upcoming online policy debate between Kaylee, a former friend from middle school, …
Trudeau promises that if elected he will be Prime Minister
OTTAWA – During a speech to Liberal supporters, Justin Trudeau took time to promise the Canadian public that if his party is elected to government, he will make sure that he serves as the h…
Hardest working senator only manages 400 vacation days per year
OTTAWA – Following recent scandals in the Upper House, workhorse Liberal senator Nick Sibbeston has rallied support by publicly revealing that he barely manages 13 months of vacation time p…
Smith and Wesson unveils new shoot-ier gun
SPRINGFIELD, MA – Citing a decline in super cool firearms and wicked gunfights, weapon manufacturer Smith and Wesson has revealed a new line of shoot-ier, blast-o-riffic hand-cannons. “This…
Local barbecue going pretty we- OH CHRIST THAT MOTH IS HUGE
WINDSOR – As the burgers cook and the keg is already half-empty, it seems that a local BBQ is going to be a big succe- OH JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING? “It just came pinwheeling out of…
Zero injured after sinkhole swallows entire Pan Am stadium
TORONTO – Disaster was narrowly avoided yesterday after a sinkhole opened up under the Pan Am stadium during track and field finals, a tragedy that could have been even worse had anybody be…
New Conservative attack ads target each individual Canadian
OTTAWA – The Conservative government has announced plans to amp up their election advertisements by releasing 35 million new attack ads aimed at smearing each living Canadian. “Unfortunatel…
Harper visited by the ghosts of Canada Day past, present, and future
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Stephen Harper held a press conference to announce that he had been visited by the Canada Day spirits of past, present, and future as he tried to slee…
Greece fakes own death to get out of paying debt
GREECE – The IMF has been forced to swallow huge amounts of debt after it was discovered that all of Greece had mysteriously been killed by tragic falls, wine cask explosions, capsized boat…
