LAVAL, QC — An urgent report has been issued stating that the people who hand out the free samples at Costco are starting to remember you. Researchers confirmed that attempts to make yourse…
Toronto girl opposes Osheaga headdress ban citing tradition of cultural appropriation
TORONTO — After the news that Aboriginal headdresses will not be allowed at Montreal music festival Osheaga, Toronto party girl Becky Cotter has been protesting the ban citing her family’s …
Cosmopolitan magazine publishes last-known sex tip
NEW YORK CITY — Last week, the popular women’s magazine Cosmopolitan finally exhausted the world’s known collection of sex tips. Since the late 60s, Cosmo has published a list o…
‘Female Viagra’ lets women with sexual dysfunction add fainting, nausea, dizziness to symptoms
RALEIGH, NC – This past week flibanserin or “female Viagra” was approved by the FDA, allowing women nationwide to combat low sex-drive while only suffering from of a long list of incapacita…
Friend hard at work rehearsing excuse not to go to friend’s Fringe show
MONTREAL — Montreal’s annual Fringe Festival kicked off last week and already, Montrealers everywhere are hard at work preparing excuses not to go to their friend’s performances…
Pope recognizes Instagramming meal with “#blessed” acceptable form of saying grace
VATICAN CITY — Cool, social media-savvy Pope Francis (@Pontifex) has declared that uploading a picture of your meal to Instagram with the caption “#blessed” is now recognized by…
Subway busker plays YouTube video of better busker for spare change
MONTREAL — A busker operating outside of Beaudry station has taken to playing YouTube videos of better buskers for money. “I play all the hits,” said the busker, Seb Trudel-Gend…
Drake’s Canada Council for the Arts grant about to run out
TORONTO – Popular Canadian rapper Drake may be heading for choppy waters when his grant from the Canada Council for the Arts runs out at the end of this month. Since he was bestowed the gra…
Drake prepares Forest Hill crew for retaliation against Diddy
TORONTO — Following an alleged dispute over the weekend at Art Basel in which Diddy punched Drake in the face, Drake has begun rallying his Forest Hill crew in anticipation of a massive ret…
Quebec commends public for lackluster Canada Day celebrations
MONTREAL – The Quebec government is thanking its citizens for the uninspiring Canada Day celebrations that occurred throughout the province earlier this week. “I want to take a moment…
