OTTAWA – Health Canada will release a series of television commercials warning Canadians about the dangers of voting for the Liberal Party. “It’s a gateway to socialism,” said Minister of H…
Minimal effort put into Facebook birthday greeting
CRANBROOK, BC – After being reminded by Facebook of a birthday, local man Terrance Otis placed very little effort into wishing his distant friend a happy birthday. Otis, 24, simply used the…
Dynamic businessman outsources his extra-marital affairs
VANCOUVER – A local executive has developed an innovative way to be unfaithful to his wife by contracting out extra-marital affairs to a third party located offshore. “Frankly, I found chea…
HitchBOT wanted for several murders on Trans-Canada highway
WINNIPEG – The RCMP is looking for a hitchhiking robot believed to be responsible for several killings along the Trans-Canada highway from Nova Scotia to BC. HitchBOT – also known as …
August 9th, 1876 – Desperate Alexander Graham Bell waits all day for woman to call him back
BRANTFORD – Intrepid scientist and inventor Alexander Graham Bell has patiently waited by his newly invented electric telephone for a very critical phone call with a lady he was fraternizin…
Irish orphans used in Heritage Minute still waiting to be adopted
QUEBEC – Despite their pleas for foster parents, the Irish orphans used as actors in a popular Heritage Minute have yet to find a loving home. “We were promised a mom and dad,” said Molly J…
United Church scales back inclusiveness by adding in height requirement
TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Pat…
Harper awards self Victoria Cross for gallant performance at WWI commemoration
OTTAWA – In recognition of his stalwart performance and commitment to national pride at today’s commemoration of the beginning of the First World War, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has reco…
World commemorates anniversary of war that ended, then caused, all wars
LONDON – To honour its centennial year, countries across the world commemorated the war that ended, then caused, all wars. Tributes were made to the fallen at World War I memorials, which w…
Habs fans get 8 more years to scapegoat P.K. Subban
MONTREAL — Habs fans across social media erupted into cheers after the Montreal Canadiens signed a 8 year, $72 million deal with their favorite scapegoat, P.K. Subban. “Bergevin could not d…
