TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members.
“It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Paterson, a minister at Canada’s largest Protestant Church. “We’ll accept you if you no matter what your race, disability, gender, sexual orientation or faith. But, for Pete’s sake, it’s got to stop somewhere. It can’t be everybody’s Church. This is why we decided to add in a minimum 5’4’’ height requirement for all new members.”
Paterson stated that the faithful who do not meet this requirement can turn to Catholicism or Snake Handling.
At press time, a Jesus sign outside United Metropolitan Church in Toronto was pointing to the minimum height requirement which stated “You Must Be This Tall to Be Loved by Jesus.”
