WALTHAM, MA – Researchers at Boston Dynamics say science is still decades away from producing robots that can approximate the cruelty and malice of their human creators. “Even with the prev…
Quebec Human Rights Tribunal fines Mike Ward for making jokes, rules blackface still cool
MONTREAL – The Quebec Human Rights Tribunal has fined Montreal-based comedian Mike Ward $35,000 for repeatedly making fun of a young singer with a disability, Jérémy Gabriel, but concluded …
Parents hope guitar lessons will get son laid soon
EDMONTON – Parents of 17-year-old Matthew Hendrickson have enrolled him in guitar lessons in the hope that a rudimentary understanding of the instrument will allow him to finally lose his v…
Watching deceased father’s hidden, unlabeled VHS tape deemed not worth risk
TIMMINS, ON – Local man, Mark Mcphee, discovered an unmarked VHS tape while packing his recently deceased father’s belongings, a tape which he claims to be not worth the risk of attempting …
Optimist drowns in glass half-full
VANCOUVER, BC – The body of local man, Eric Heston, known by many as one of the most optimistic people they’ve ever met, was pulled last night from the bottom a glass sources say he would d…
Canine court rules leg ‘asking for it’
OTTAWA – The nation’s top dog court decided today that Marlowe, a 4-year-old Pug mix, was not guilty of sexual assault because the complainant’s leg was asking to be humped. Judge Duke, a 9…
INFOGRAPHIC: Blackberry vs Canadarm
Is it entirely possible that the Blackberry and the Canadarm are the same thing?…
INFOGRAPHIC: How good their dog is VS. How much money they have
Here’s an infographic that explains the relationship between how much money a person has versus how good their dog is.…
Queen Victoria celebrates birthday by getting wasted at cottage
POINTE-AU-BARIL, ON – In honour of her 197th birthday, Queen Victoria of England is celebrating the long weekend the way many of her Canadian colonists are, by getting completely shit-faced…
