OTTAWA – The nation’s top dog court decided today that Marlowe, a 4-year-old Pug mix, was not guilty of sexual assault because the complainant’s leg was asking to be humped.
Judge Duke, a 9-year-old Border Collie, ruled that the alleged victim’s leg was displaying itself in a provocative and unwholesome manner, and no reasonable dog would be able to resist mounting.
“No one has denied that my client humped a leg that night,” said Marlowe’s lawyer, Ruffles, a 5-year-old British Bulldog of the firm Ruffles, Odo & Mister Biscuits.
“We are happy the court has recognized that my client cannot possibly be held responsible given the loose exhibition that leg made of itself by coyly perching on my client’s favourite sleeping spot while reeking of a stranger’s cat. If that’s not implied consent, I don’t know what is.”
Now that charges have been dismissed, Marlowe is free to go for walkies.
