LUNENBURG, NS – Local resident and business owner Tyson MacNeil expressed his deep disdain for tourists this past Sunday, despite living a life that is only financially possible due to tourist spending.
“It’s the same thing every year from May to October,” said MacNeil, a man who voluntarily chose to live and work in a town dominated by the tourism industry. “They come in like locusts and take over the sidewalks, the parking spots, the pubs. Most of the restaurants in town can only afford to stay open during tourist season, and the tourists are lined up out the door – if they stopped coming, I’d never have to wait for a table again.”
MacNeil, whose Bluenose-themed souvenir shop would financially implode with just a 9% drop in annual tourism, added, “And they’re rude, too. Oh, sure, most of them are nice enough to our faces, but you can be sure they’re talking all kinds of shit about the locals as soon as we’re out of earshot. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve started spending my summers in Spain just to avoid the tourists, and listing my apartment on AirBnB.”
Some locals disagreed with MacNeil’s assessment of tourists, seeing them as a welcome addition to the town.
“I fuckin’ love ‘em,” said 53-year-old Kimberly Tanner, waitress at a local fish n’ chip shack. “Sure, they’re annoying and presumptuous and a weird amount of them ask me if I’m Anne of Green Gables’ mom. But they’re so loud that they completely drown out the sounds of the locals, who are even more annoying than they are. Plus they tip in USD and the exchange rate is pretty great right now.”
When asked if he would consider moving to New Glasgow, a Nova Scotian town that has never successfully attracted a single tourist, MacNeil recoiled, stating that he couldn’t live in a town with no scenery and absolutely nothing to do.
