TORONTO, ON – This week telecom giant Rogers Communications announced a record-breaking milestone – twenty straight years of customer service calls vastly exceeding what their meagre call centres can handle.
Rogers customers are well aware of the growing streak, which has been touted in a recorded message at the start of every single call since May 7, 2005.
Senior VP Jeanine Brooks reflected on the achievement. “I still remember that day we grossly underestimated our staffing needs for the first time. Instead of scheduling more employees for the next day, we realized – this was profitable for us, and our dipshit customers have no place else to go.”
“And the rest is history,” Brooks added, fanning herself with a handful of Canadian $100 bills.
Industry watchers agree the achievement is worth noting, citing that while a handful of staffing errors per year is common, an unbroken run of 7,305 days beggars belief. How does Rogers do it? While the telco may not have the best customer service staff in the business, they do have the fewest.
When asked if it’s unreasonable to have misjudged call volumes every day since Hollaback Girltopped the charts, Brooks merely laughed. “The first rule of business is ‘Don’t bother planning’. Nobody has a crystal ball. The best you can do is live in the moment.”
Rogers kicks off a week of celebrations to mark the achievement starting tomorrow, though Brooks was quick to add, “That’s assuming the sun even comes up in the morning. There’s just no way to know some things.”
