TORONTO – Die hard Jays fan Pat Ornelas has developed a perfect strategy for when to take bathroom breaks during lengthy games without missing anything exciting: he only goes when the team …
Tag: MLB
Pitch clock resigns baseball players’ nutsacks to unscratched loneliness
Kansas City, MO – The arrival of the pitch clock and other measures to speed up the languid pace of professional baseball has created victims of baseball players’ scrotums, as the lack of customa…
Umpire excited for son to watch him get screamed at
TORONTO – According to local sources, Umpire Thomas Beck is thrilled that his 12-year-old son will have the opportunity to watch him work and be heckled at a Major League Baseball game. “Knowing …
“How do we make baseball more exciting?” asks only sport with mandatory stretch break
NEW YORK – This weekend, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred held an emergency meeting to discuss how the league could reignite viewer interest in the intensely long and excruciatingly slow-paced sport …
“Wanna see me open it with my teeth?” says frat boy operating the roof at the Rogers Centre
BLUE JAY WAY, TORONTO – In a misguided effort to impress someone, Sigma Chi president and Rogers Centre roof operator Andrew “Smitty-boy” Smith is claiming he can open the stadium roof with his t…
MLB owners, players finally work out deal after remembering how much game means to the day drinking community
NEW YORK CITY – After months of negotiations, Major League Baseball players and owners ratified a collective bargaining agreement to save the 2022 season after remembering how much the spor…
You’ll never believe what Rogers is going to replace the SkyDome with and yeah you’re right it’s condos
TORONTO – Big news! You are going to be stunned when you hear what Rogers is planning to do with some of the land where the world-famous SkyDome stands. This is a total shock but it turns o…
Buffalo welcomes Jays with ballpark renovations that include robotic fan chucking beer cans onto the field
BUFFALO – In an attempt to welcome the Toronto Blue Jays into their 2020 home, Buffalo’s Sahlen Field has added a number of details to make the Blue Jays feel like they are playing at the R…
Rookie MLB player achieves dream of playing in front of 45,000 empty seats
NEW YORK – Yankees rookie Chris Buford realised a lifelong dream yesterday after stepping onto the field in front of more than 45,000 empty plastic seats in his MLB debut. “It’s incredible,…
Blue Jays offer to change name to something racist in order to find new home in U.S.
Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change thei…