TORONTO – After announcing they had acquired majority control of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, the board of Rogers Communications reassured Leafs, Raptors, TFC and Argos fans that …
Tag: MLB
Blue Jays owners shocked to discover you’re allowed to fire Front Office when team sucks every year
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, have expressed their shock at the information that they are within their rights to fire the executive team of M…
Blue Jays admit the only reason they made playoffs was so bigger audience could experience frustration of watching them
MINNESOTA – After a 3-1 loss to the Twins to start their 2023 Playoff campaign, members of the Toronto Blue Jays have come forward and acknowledged that they only worked hard enough to make…
Blue Jays fan times bathroom breaks for when team has runners in scoring position to ensure he doesn’t miss any action
TORONTO – Die hard Jays fan Pat Ornelas has developed a perfect strategy for when to take bathroom breaks during lengthy games without missing anything exciting: he only goes when the team …
Pitch clock resigns baseball players’ nutsacks to unscratched loneliness
Kansas City, MO – The arrival of the pitch clock and other measures to speed up the languid pace of professional baseball has created victims of baseball players’ scrotums, as the lack of customa…
Umpire excited for son to watch him get screamed at
TORONTO – According to local sources, Umpire Thomas Beck is thrilled that his 12-year-old son will have the opportunity to watch him work and be heckled at a Major League Baseball game. “Knowing …
“How do we make baseball more exciting?” asks only sport with mandatory stretch break
NEW YORK – This weekend, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred held an emergency meeting to discuss how the league could reignite viewer interest in the intensely long and excruciatingly slow-paced sport …
“Wanna see me open it with my teeth?” says frat boy operating the roof at the Rogers Centre
BLUE JAY WAY, TORONTO – In a misguided effort to impress someone, Sigma Chi president and Rogers Centre roof operator Andrew “Smitty-boy” Smith is claiming he can open the stadium roof with his t…
MLB owners, players finally work out deal after remembering how much game means to the day drinking community
NEW YORK CITY – After months of negotiations, Major League Baseball players and owners ratified a collective bargaining agreement to save the 2022 season after remembering how much the spor…
You’ll never believe what Rogers is going to replace the SkyDome with and yeah you’re right it’s condos
TORONTO – Big news! You are going to be stunned when you hear what Rogers is planning to do with some of the land where the world-famous SkyDome stands. This is a total shock but it turns o…
