Rogersville, NB – After spending over $6,000 on a propane grill and accessories, Robert Arsenault has to date grilled only hot dogs and hamburgers. Arsenault, 39, recently renovated the patio of his family home to include space for what he calls, “The Fortress of Grillitude.”
Arsenault says his grill master plans took root years ago when watching the Food Network. Shows like, “BBQ USA,” “Bobby Flay’s Barbecue Addiction,” and “BBQ Brawl” inspired him to create his own barbecue space in the backyard of his two bedroom bungalow.
“I’m gonna do a brisket one of these days,” says Arsenault, who had a friend make a custom metal sign with the name, “Grill Master.”
He drew from his limited savings to purchase a large propane gill with a top-down infrared broiler that caramelizes steak edges, a Wi-Fi enabled meat thermometer, an ambient temperature probe, an integrated rotisserie that can handle multiple chickens, and a large, stainless-steel smoker box for that wood-smoked flavour.
“Also, I got a Sonos speaker because I like my tunes while I’m grilling,” he added.
“I started with a brisket,” he says. “I figured after a day it would be perfectly cooked but it came out all burnt. I figure I just got low quality beef at the grocery store.” He also notes the limited availability of humanely raised, organic, grass-fed beef in rural New Brunswick.
“He got confused with the difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit,” Jacynthe, his wife of 12 years, later told The Beaverton. “He ended up overcooking the thing. So we had hot dogs.”
“I really went to work on those hot dogs,” Robert said. “I got the good ones, you know, Juicy Jumbos, but I wanted to really bring out the flavour so I slow cooked them. For the first two hours, I didn’t even turn on the grill. Then I slowly brought it to temperature.”
“Six hours to make a hot dog,” Jacynthe said. “Six. Hours.”
“Yeah, clearly this is his midlife crisis,” she later told The Beaverton. “I would have preferred him to get into Crossfit but at least it wasn’t improv. I don’t think I could stand that humiliation. Anyway, I offered to help out by making some fresh hamburger patties but he refused.”
“I wanted a challenge so I got those burgers with the cheese curds and bits of smoked meat. After a couple of tries, I got right good at adding a crosshatch to the burgers. What can I say? I’m the grill master.”
“But in another, more factual sense,” Jacynthe said. “He is not.”
Arsenault later declared that what they really need is a kamado grill. After reading the look on his wife’s face, he decided they were good for grills.
