BREAKING: Greece legalizes Greek food - The Beaverton

BREAKING: Greece legalizes Greek food

ATHENS, – The government of Greece has proudly announced that they have legalized the country’s long-standing tradition of eating Greek cuisine.

“Is it possible people were doing this in Greece before the government recognized it? I guess,” says Greek representative Nikatis Bakoyannis. “I mean, sure, people could have thought up wrapping their meat in grape leaves or pairing their melons with other melons before today. Our people are just really creative that way.”

According to oral tradition, the consumption of Greek cuisine can be traced back to mythical times, where it was enjoyed by such legendary figures as the hero Achilles and his roommate Patroclus, or the poet Sappho and her close personal friends on the island of Lesbos. However, the act was not formally recognized by the government of Greece until this past week.

“I mean, technically you could eat Greek behind closed doors, like in a bathhouse,” says Bakoyannis. “You just couldn’t do it in church.”

The Mediterranean consists of an entire rainbow’s worth of foods, including various fruits, fish, and nuts. The Greeks are also said to love a hot cup of tea, and proudly serve their dishes good and saucy.

“Mamma mia! This is great news,” says Greek expat Dan Forth. “Now I don’t have to travel to the other side of the world just to eat Greek food, especially if I want to share it with a partner. I can love the food I was born to love, just as the Greek gods intended.”

At press time, no one else was available for comment as they were all celebrating by having loads of gay sex.