Even though Pierre Poilievre has been leader of the opposition for a while now there is still so much we don’t know about him. And we were outraged to discover these 7 almost certainly not true facts after we refused to be given the real information as it may prevent us from sensationalizing the situation with a bunch of false propaganda that plays to our base.
1. He invented the saying ‘Case Of The Mondays’.
2. If he wasn’t a politician his preferred career would be selling predatory reverse mortgage loans to confused elderly people.
3. He is also compromised by a foreign power. But because none of the “big guys” wanted him, he’s been selling our secrets to the Czech Republic.
4. He voted against gay marriage even though his father, a gay man, was about to get married to his partner. (Oh shit, this one’s real).
5. His favourite television series is Mindhunter but “only the BTK parts.”
6. His favourite donut at Tim Hortons is a Boston Cream with extra Cream.
7. He hates the CBC because it cancelled his favourite show Being Erica
Update: We deleted a part of Number 4 that said Poilievre’s father was in the House during the vote, because the source on that wasn’t definitive, and we take our job as fake news journalists more seriously than Poilievre takes his.