TORONTO, ON – Seventeen-year-old Alexandra Green failed her road test yesterday after neglecting to scream and curse at a law-abiding cyclist.
The biker, who was safely riding on the right side of the road, was able to get on with his day without suffering any verbal abuse. Sarah Morris, Green’s road test examiner, had no choice but to fail the young driver.
As Morris explains, “Brake lights show the car behind you that you’re braking. Turn signals alert those around you that you’re turning. Yelling, “Get off the f***ing road!” at a biker tells the biker that you would like them to get off the f***ing road. It’s a good system.”
Later on in her examination, Green was able to safely change into the passing lane with no difficulty, but she failed to drive in the bike lane even once.
“Where there is a bike lane, drivers should swerve in and out with abandon at totally unpredictable times,” says Morris, quoting the road test manual. “If there is no bike lane, drivers must remain as close to the curb as possible to prevent cyclists from riding where they don’t belong. One bonus point is awarded to the driver for each cyclist who dismounts and walks their bike on the sidewalk in fear.”
Green also struggled with the parking section of the test. While she could parallel park with ease, she lost points for checking to see if anyone was coming before opening the car door.
According to Morris, “A good driver should open the door right away, without paying attention to the road. Otherwise, it’s almost impossible to hit a cyclist with your car door. Not many people know this, but hitting a cyclist with your door is worth fifty bonus points and an automatic pass on the road test.”
Green was disappointed with her results, but she has learned from her mistakes. Before she re-takes the test, she plans to post several angry messages about cyclists on Facebook and buy a box of thumbtacks to scatter across the bike lane.
“I hate to fail a promising student,” says Morris. “But if young drivers aren’t harassing bikers, how will the cyclists ever learn we hate them?”
