OTTAWA – Activist perverts from across Canada’s provinces and territories congregated in front of Parliament Hill on Sunday in a collective demonstration calling for the renaming of Father’s Day to “Daddy’s Day.”
The protestors outlined their demands in a ten-point list printed on vibrators that daddies across the nation need to have their actions and duties honoured with a countrywide holiday.
“These brave men risk their lives every day to fill our hearts and holes with love at every opportunity, and we never take even a 24 hour period to get on our knees and thank them,” claimed protest organizer Kitty Jenson. The crowd then chanted the phrase “Thank you, Daddy!” repeatedly until our on location reporter puked into the nearest fleshlight.
Protestors’ demands also included making June 9th “Nice” day, increasing funding to non-profit sex toy repositories, and increasing supports for single working doms.
“Today, the raunchiest of us have come together, to cum together,” exclaimed one protestor, who was sniffing the microphone a little too enthusiastically.
The government issued a response claiming the name change was unnecessary. “We understand the strong need these people have to show gratitude to their daddies…” the press release began, “but every good baby girl understands the rules they need to follow to get that creamy milk from sir.”
In a national poll, when asked if they would support a name change from Father’s Day to Daddy’s Day, 73% of Canadians responded by slapping the surveyor.