Torontonian engages in beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto - The Beaverton

Torontonian engages in beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto

TORONTO – Torontonian and lesser media personality Jon Stills sparked a lively online conversation last Thursday after a thread continued the longstanding and beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto.

“Toronto just feels less vibrant than when I moved here,” said Stills. “When I was twenty every weekend I’d do ketamine and dance to Brit-pop night at the Mod Club. But now that I’m thirty-four, with a toddler, and a full-time job…the city just seems different.”

“Hardly anyone ever talks about Broken Social Scene anymore and the loft where I used to get high in Parkdale got turned into a weed dispensary. Maybe it’s time to go,” he added.

Stills has been threatening to leave the city for the better part of a decade. Surprisingly the threats only intensified after Stills purchased a two-bedroom Liberty Village condo in 2016 with a down payment from his parents.

“This is just something everyone in Toronto does,” said Kat Dennis. “Talking about how much you’d like to leave Toronto is about the most Toronto thing you can do. Like, last week after my streetcar short turned I spent twenty minutes bitching with a girlfriend about how I should move to . But what would I do in Hamilton? There’s no Banh Mi Boys in Hamilton.”

Alongside threatening to leave Toronto other sacred Toronto pastimes include complaining about gentrifiers ruining a neighbourhood you just moved into, blaming the for literally every problem you have in your life and secretly enjoying how much everyone in the rest of the country hates our city.