WATERLOO, ONT – Local dentist, Dr. Rita Johnson, was reportedly fooled into thinking her patient had excellent oral hygiene even though they only brushed their teeth really well moments before their annual visit.
Denzel Lyons, who during the other 364 days of the year has at least one popcorn kernel stuck between molars, made sure to floss for the first time, the morning of their appointment. “Honestly, the only floss I own is the mini one they gave me in the goodie bag from last year,” added Lyons. “Which is good for about four to five uses, meaning I’m good for the next 4 to 5 years.”
According to Lyons, brushing for an extra thirty seconds eliminated all signs of gingivitis and removed a year’s worth of plaque.
“I don’t know what it is but my patients seem to have the best oral hygiene,” bragged Dr. Johnson, midway through an examination of Lyon’s bicuspids. “Denzel needed a checkup six months ago, and even though we sent out several notices that they ignored, turns out it wasn’t even needed because it’s clear they use the tongue scraper everyday!”
Dr. Johnson later admitted that Lyons is not her only patient with near flawless dental hygiene and, in a personal statement, began to question if, as a dentist, she was even needed at all.
“Are you even a dentist if you don’t stick your tiny mirror into a patient’s mouth and discover the early signs of tooth decay?” lamented Johnson. “Just once I’d like my receptionist to forward a patient to a dental surgeon for a consult. The only action I get is when a patient nearly drowned because my hygienist incorrectly placed the suction hook.”
At press time, Dr. Rita Johnson totally fooled their esthetician by trimming her pubes before going to get waxed.