VAUGHN, ON – With schools resuming classes despite the ongoing pandemic, high school teacher Erin Jorna has decided the most logical plan she can have for health class is to dismiss her students early.
“It just seems kind of hard to try to teach the kids how to be healthy while also asking them to ignore the biggest health crisis of their lives,” Jorna said while finally catching up on marking tests with her new free period. “It’s really not all that different from when I let the kids go home early last year, only this time it’s due to safety concerns instead of not having any curriculum left to teach.”
Jorna also added that she believes her new teaching strategy to be more effective than the government’s current curriculum. “The only sex education I’m allowed to discuss is the importance of abstinence, and I have to dedicate a whole class on why they shouldn’t lick each other. Honestly, it would be safer to not teach about deodorant at this point, so the kids are more likely to stay far apart.”
Many in the student population reported being pleasantly surprised by the change in the schedule. “I didn’t believe it when I first heard, but man am I relieved,” exclaimed 9th grader Brandon Reed. “I feel a lot safer now that I only have eight classes filled with 200 other kids, instead of nine.”
At press time, Jorna’s students were setting record numbers for lowest number of COVID cases but also for most cases of STDs.