OTTAWA – Acting on behalf of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, Governor General Julie Payette has granted several pieces of legislation Royal Assent by inscribing her signature with the tears of her staffers.
Two laws passed by Parliament and four Orders-in-Council were dotted with the royal pain experienced by employees working under the Queen’s representative in Canada.
“With this seal from the people who dared to embarrass me, I hereby make this legislation into law,” said Payette to a terrified Parliamentary clerk witnessing the act.
The eye secretions used in today’s signing at Rideau Hall was a public servant who failed to straighten a salad fork during a brunch with visiting dignitaries and another who sneezed during an awards ceremony.
“Now, get back to work everyone!” yelled the GG seated in front of her coat of arms featuring a sad owl, a crushed soul, and a stack of resignation letters.
Meanwhile, the PMO was desperately trying to trade Payette to another Commonwealth country.
