OTTAWA – Despite wanting to maintain warm relations with the United States, Canadian officials today rejected the letter from Members of Congress asking that we reopen the border and kill thousands of Canadians.
“Thank you for your invitation to expose our population to the COVID-19 virus that is currently rampaging through your country without a shred of opposition,” the Ministry of Foreign Affairs wrote. “At this time we must respectfully decline. Best wishes as always! Love, Canada.”
“P.S. We will likely be unable to attend your christmas party as well. Sorry about that!”
Just yesterday 29 members of the US Congress had written to the government asking them to “make the small sacrifice” of letting thousands die so that Americans could visit Cottage Country.
“Plus, maybe if the virus takes off in Canada again, it’ll be too distracted to infect people here,” they wrote, equating the COVID-19 virus to a dinosaur in Jurassic Park.
“No matter how much we tried to entice them by talking about how cool NYC is, or suggesting Beyonce might come to visit, all Canadian Government officials were focused on was the deaths. Deaths, Deaths, Deaths. Like we get it,” said a disappointed Congresswoman Kathleen Rice.
But the U.S. politicians aren’t giving up yet. They’re still hoping to sweeten the pot by offering Canadians the chance to join America in its next unwinnable war.