Toronto man throws going-away party for friend moving north of Bloor - The Beaverton
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Toronto man throws going-away party for friend moving north of Bloor

TORONTO – After nine years living in the Toronto downtown core, friends and family of Brandon Miller have thrown a going away party in advance of his packing up and moving north of Bloor Street.

Miller’s decision to move was met with mixed responses from friends. “I’ve seen pictures of his new place and it’s nice. It’s just…far,” said Ray Collins who, according to Google maps, lives a 20 minute subway ride away from best friend Miller’s new apartment.

“I mean, what’s even up there? Wilderness? Barrie?”

At first Miller reported feeling hesitant about the move, however cheaper rent and the small backyard that comes with his unit ultimately proved too irresistible to pass up. “Who cares about a backyard?!” exclaimed Miller’s former roommate of the 450 foot they once shared. “All you need is a balcony and a white Ikea chair. Besides, I couldn’t imagine missing the exhilaration of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of a drunk guy fighting with his uber driver.”

“The squad and I are looking into a shared data plan,” said best friend Collins, “so that when we visit, we’re not hit with mad roaming charges.” Additionally, Collins and friends have renewed their passports and have signed up with the Registration of Canadians Abroad.

“I just have to double check that my vaccinations are up to date. I think they are, because I got them done before I went to that out-of-town wedding at Yonge and Sheppard.”

Collins has committed to visit Miller two weeks after he moves, and has already drafted the ‘can we raincheck? I’m exhausted’ text.

“The party was the perfect way to say goodbye,“ said Miller, choking back tears. “At least for now. I’ll be back next week to grab the rest of my stuff and to attend our friend’s wake.”

Sources report the wake is for a mutual friend who will be moving south of the Gardiner.