LANGLEY, BC — Gerald Dyna has been passed over for a fleet associate position at Hertz Rental after the store manager could not grasp just how cool it was that he had a spider permanently drawn on his right cheek.
“He said it wasn’t a gang thing but honestly that just made me more concerned,” said potential boss Katie Briggs. “That would at least demonstrate he had strong teamwork skills.”
The crazy wicked arachnid tattoo is just the first phase of a more elaborate collage that will eventually cover most of Dyna’s whole body. During job interviews Dyna has repeatedly mentioned that the final will piece will be “less about spiders and more an allegory for motherhood”.
“I know that tattoos are important in some cultures, and members of those cultures can face discrimination,” said Dyna. “But those are not my culture. I’m just a white dude with a totally sick drawing of a spider on my face.”
Recently, Dyna’s face tattoo has prevented him from being hired for a variety of other positions, including fry cook, stock photo model, and children’s party entertainer. Dyna was also not hired to be a bike messenger, namely because he didn’t have enough face tattoos.
Tired of missing out on job opportunities Dyna has decided to have the face tattoo lasered off, which is how he describes the process of covering the spider image with a larger, more colourful tattoo of a laser gun.