Canadians stockpile ear protection as precaution for John Baird leadership bid - The Beaverton

Canadians stockpile ear protection as precaution for John Baird leadership bid

OTTAWA – In preparation for a possible Conservative Party leadership bid, Canadians have been busy stocking ear protection equipment.

Media speculation about Baird’s possible entry into the race to face Tory heavyweight has caused shelves of ear plugs to be emptied at drug stores and ear muffs selling out at local Canadian Tires and Home Depots.

“I first experienced hearing loss when I heard Baird’s speech about budget cuts while I was taking a tour of Parliament in 2006,” said Calgary man Tom Wilson. “I still have this annoying ringing in my ear about how the Kyoto Accord will kill the economy.”

The former Harper cabinet minister who abruptly left the Harper government in 2015 was known for his Deafening Diplomacy and ability to win Question debates by being the loudest.

“His hyperboles can reach a volume of up to 130 decibels during speeches and debates making him louder than a deck on an aircraft carrier,” said Dr. Shalta Blarney, a local otolaryngologist. “John Baird is also the second leading cause of tinnitus and the third leading cause of avalanches in Canada.”