BAGHDAD – Canadian soldiers deployed on a NATO mission training Iraqi troops are now unsure whether they are preparing Iraq to fight ISIS, Iran, or the United States.
The deployment of 250 soldiers based in Baghdad debated who the Iraqi army would be fighting in the next few years after US President Donald Trump escalated tensions in the region with Iran.
“While I thought we were here to help Iraq defeat Daesh, I hear Iran might be a thing,” said one Canadian major pointing at a map of the Middle East. “They have an air force and a navy in addition to proxy militias in Iraq. They’re clearly destabilizing Iraq, so we’ll need to change the training routine.”
“No, ISIS is still a threat, Sir,” chimed a crusty warrant officer. “Remember how Trump allowed Turkey to invade Syria to fight the Kurds and all of those ISIL prisoners escaped? Something tells me they’ll be back.”
A curious captain took out his fieldpad to scribble down the pros and cons of each potential enemy of Iraq, but appeared puzzled and confused.
“The Americans are the ones who really destabilized the whole region almost two decades ago,” said one sergeant while directing a police cadet how to use an AK-47. “The US went ahead and violated Iraq’s sovereignty by killing that Iranian general and has involved their country in a conflict they don’t want. We should be training these guys how to take on a world’s superpower who has a long history of starting wars.”
Some agreed that the US was the biggest threat to the Iraqi people’s existence, while others posited that the enemy changed on an hourly basis.
“Wait, when did the US invade Iraq?” asked a 25-year-old master corporal who was only seven-years-old when US President George Bush invaded the country under the false pretense of stopping Saddam Hussein’s nuclear weapon development.
According to a poll, 92% of Canadians were unaware that Canada was involved in an Iraqi training mission or even had a military.