Breaking: Irresponsible friend offering to babysit as a ‘favour’ - The Beaverton

Breaking: Irresponsible friend offering to babysit as a ‘favour’

Victoria, BC – In an act that witnesses described as ‘misguided’ and ‘galling”, well known irresponsible friend, Toby Gortham has offered to babysit David and Carly Worthing’s 2-year-old son, Kiran.

Gortham, who had just poured everyone Goldschlager shots, seemed concerned that his old university pal Carly, was too stressed out to be fun. “He definitely seemed like he thought he was doing them a favour,” says acquaintance Patricia Allan. “But he also seemed like he thought he was doing them a favour by bringing homemade pot brownies.”

“Carly and Toby used to be a terrible pair, just enabled each other all through university. Carly grew out of that, but Toby doubled down after he won a settlement when he fell in a Walmart parking lot,” says David Worthing. “When we see him now it’s because he lost his licence and needs a ride.

Witnesses say that moments before Gortham made the offer, he was holding Kiran by the neck and winked while saying: “They kept getting mad at me for not supporting the neck, so I’m constantly just squeezing it. They can’t yell at me now.”

Gortham, who once returned a cat because it felt like too much responsibility, has apparently been thinking about offering to babysit for a while. Telling friends that whenever he sees a mattress on the side of the road he should “grab it to put on the floor if Kiran wanted to crash or something.”

According to witnesses Carly’s attempt to table the discussion with talk about childproofing Gortham’s apartment, which he shares with two roommates, was met with dismissal. “Toby just rolled his eyes and said that if he can survive being blackout drunk, a baby is going to be fine.”

As of press time, no firm dates have been booked for babysitting, but Gortham would rather do it on a Wednesday evening, as “It’s all you can eat shrimp buffet day at the strip club in the neighbourhood.”

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