Anti-abortion protesters backed by world’s biggest baby - The Beaverton

Anti-abortion protesters backed by world’s biggest baby

WASHINGTON D.C. – Anti-abortion protesters were overjoyed at the rally to receive vocal support from the world’s biggest baby.

In his 295th trimester, the loud, 6’2” infant ran on stage attracted by the loud noises and the hope that people would pay attention to him. His support of the event excited many protesters who believe having someone in the White House with a manic temper and willingness to defy anyone who tells him no will see Roe vs Wade overturned. Years of public tantrums have ingratiated him with anti-abortion groups.

“It feels good to hear the leader of the free world agree that a group of cells have more potential than any living woman,” said Evelyn Lankaster. “And when he starts screaming, and waving his little fingees, I just wanna squish those big leathery cheeks!”

Access to abortion is one of the biggest issues for many evangelical voters who believe that thoughts and prayers should be the first and only option for women seeking reproductive healthcare. The big baby’s decision to suckle clinics and foreign organizations dry of government funding and appoint conversative babysitters in the federal court system have made him the favourite child to millions of far-right Americans. March for Life president Jeanne Mancini praised the cheese-stained cherub and his big bad administration for being consistent champions for life and strategic campaigners for the 2020 presidential race.

“Why can’t we talk about stripping women of their rights like civil adults?” asks Meghan Gleecken, who believes a woman’s right to choose starts and ends in the voting booth. “I’m not necessarily pro-world’s biggest baby but I am anti-choice and democracy is about voting based on a single issue that will impact 300 million people I will never meet.”

At press time was a grumpy gus after playing big boy for 45 minutes and needed to be put down for his afternoon nap.